BREAKING NEWS: Research Shows Aaron Rodgers Sucks
After eight years of extensive tests and peer reviewed articles, researchers from Madison, Wisconsin have finally announced today the results of their multi-year study on Green Bay Packers quarterback, Aaron Rodgers. Having spent years and years double checking answers and sloughing through presentations at conferences to be riddles with questions and concerns on the scientific methodology, the scientists are confident enough at this time to report their findings to the world ...
Green Bay Packers quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, sucks.
"We've participated in the most thorough, peer reviewed study on the nature of a human being ever conducted," said on scientist who was taking notes on a clipboard, providing further evidence that his results are pretty convincing. "And our results are conclusive. Indisputable, in fact. Aaron Rodgers just sucks."
Their research has shown that in most cases lab technicians have had to qualify what "sucks" actually means. Like any research project, the evidence presented is laden with heavy, technical language that may be difficult for laymen to understand. That is why their research has defined the term "suck" as being "an adjective used to describe an individual who is just a huge, whiny bitch in pretty much all phases of life. Really, someone who is just kind of a sandy cunt."
It was always suspected that Aaron Rodgers fit this description, but without scientific research to back up this claim, no one could be certain. That should no longer be a problem from this day forward, claimed one scientist.
"Oh, it's pretty clear now" said a PhD with ample evidence he was more than willing to share. "He's got eight years of NFL experience to make this pretty clear, but check out this total bitch move from the recent Packers and Vikings game. This essentially summed up our findings ..."
"Right?! Could you suck anymore?! My god, Rodgers, in my professional opinion, just shut the fuck up."
The research is scheduled to be released to the public in the coming weeks, after the Packers are eliminated early from the playoffs and Aaron Rodgers takes some more time to bitch about shit like a huge, sucky person.
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1 Like
I just have 2 things thing to say about this BULLS#%T Article. MVP & Superbowl Ring. You just wish you had Rodgers for your quarterback. Oh Yeah- one more thing... He led the league AGAIN in Passer Rating. So take that and stick it in your research A-Hole.
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@76harley Dude, don't get mad at me. SCIENCE reported it! They didn't say he was bad at football. He's very obviously not. In fact, they clearly defined "suck" as "an adjective used to describe an individual who is just a huge, whiny bitch in pretty much all phases of life. Really, someone who is just kind of a sandy cunt." What more do you want?! ANOTHER independent research project that will prove the exact same thing?!
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It would take a Packers fan to think the "research" cited in this post was actually research.If you read a bit into the archives of this site, you'll find several examples of PJD stating his willingness to punch/strangle/drown cute puppies if it would somehow put Rodgers on the Vikings.
If you want to offer some evidence that Green Bay fans are NOT all insufferable, give it a go.
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As soon as I saw the title for this post I was hoping for a gif of Rodgers yelling at McCarthy. That was awesome. It's pretty lame that the league didn't give MN the ball after that challenge flag was thrown - why can't they be consistent? Screw Detroit all you want, but don't you dare screw Green Bay!
I think the Vikings have an uncomprehensibly real chance at getting pretty far if they can whip the dopes this weekend. Robison's shoulder needs to get better and he needs to keep being a badass. Winfield needs to block out the pain and make some ridiculous plays. And if Peterson's performance leaves Lambeau filled with Packer blood reaching up to the horses' bridles (as foretold by prophecy), all will be well with this Vikings fan.
Then just go get some revenge for '98 in Atlanta (seriously, please dance the 'dirty bird' when you score the game clinching TD, Rhett Ellison), and just watch the final opponent tremble in their boots in their own homefield at the conference championship game. Seattle? Those hipster bastards. Their QB is too little to not be sexually traumatized by Jared Allen. Washington DC? What an asshole city. Their best RB has a butler's name. SanFran? Easy. Just maul the line of scrimmage like last time. Seriously, those 3 cities are the 3 last places I would choose to live in this country.
This is it. Minnesota, I guess, was never meant to win its first SB via a 15-1 crazy-Moss season or as a Favre-led team ... it was meant to rise from the ashes of a 6-6 start to go on an improbable run through the tough meat of their scedule and do the unthinkable.
As you may be able to tell, I've already started drinking for Saturday night's game.
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@peterandkelsey Well, I'm ready to go beat the shit out of some inbred horse breeder after that pep talk. Let's do this shit.
